What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
