i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
