...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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