so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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