do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
