so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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