You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
