oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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