i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
