my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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