I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
