You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
