You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize