i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You are a genius and a whore.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
