So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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