i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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