Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
