I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
