i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
