trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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