I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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