Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
