if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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