I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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