Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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