I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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