yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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