Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
