I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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