i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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