I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
