is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
