I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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