Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
