I just pynch a tree in the face
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
