she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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