why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize