I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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