i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
