M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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