Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
