Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
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Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
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Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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