I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
