i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
