Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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