Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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