Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
