Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
