He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
