Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
