in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
