I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
