Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
