Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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