doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
