is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
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I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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