You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
