Need sex. Gaining weight.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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