I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
