I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
