just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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